I
wish I had known his name. He was Marie-Lynn's promise to reality,
and it took him from her. I had only known of his existence for a
short time, and yet, his death seemed sudden to me. He was the
promise of change that needed to happen, and his narrative lacked the
climax. It had ended before its time. That was the tragedy. It would
have been better had I been crushed by on-coming traffic instead. My
words were recorded, and my story told.
I
held Marie-Lynn on the altar for as long as the world would allow me.
She did not cry; she wept. It took all of her to do so, but it
exhausted her. As the audience showed themselves out, I felt her body
weakening. Even her flaming hair dimmed, tamed by sorrow. Then, after
some time, she tried to stand. I supported her, but she pushed me
away. Her father caught her as she fell once more. She accepted his
help, and in a matter of minutes, she was gone. I felt joy creeping
up on me, and I wondered why my love was so selfish. His death
brought me hope, but I did not deserve it. I was a monster of love.
My mind, as twisted as it was, would not allow such sick pleasure in
the pain of Marie-Lynn. As much as I wanted to not let her disappear
again, I forced myself to let her go. But I could not control other
people.
Her
father returned to me, the final bystander in the dim cathedral. He
informed me of his position in her life. We shook hands, and then he
asked me to join him, on Marie-Lynn's request. My mind wept for my
soul. It imagined it to be decaying, just as Marie-Lynn's fiance was.
Those dreadful and wonderful words of hers were spoken between sobs
of sorrow. Why did she want me near? She had no idea of the secret
wishes of mine. Instead of rejecting me like the curse I was, she
embraced the sick man of the unreal. Had my love been less selfish, I
might have refused her request. Perhaps if I had, I would not be
writing this tale now.
Upon
entering the five-seat car, I found Marie-Lynn latching onto me for
strength, as I have done to her in times past and in times to come. We sat
alone in the back as her father drove us to the unknown destination
in the distance. My very energy seemed to leave me, as if absorbed by
the flame-haired woman. I held her and supported her, even though I
felt the urge to kiss her in my beating chest. The story between us
would not be laid to rest before her, but I would have tried if I was
aware. But the only thing I was aware of was the threatening
potential of her pain. In a moment, I could have destroyed morality
by doing nothing less than bringing a dream into reality. My will
held its own, only stalling the inevitable.
The
trip felt long, although the clocks claimed almost no time had passed
at all. I wanted to leave, to pull the dead man back and take his
place below. That wish would not go granted, as well as lost to the
abyss once Marie-Lynn spoke. “Thank you, Jesse.” It was as I led
her to her front door. I did not falter, but I wanted to reply in
sweet affection. I did not speak a word. It was stage-fright when it
mattered most.
Her
father waved us off as we entered the duplex. The inside was filled
with warm colours, and the yellowed lights made it as if I could see
the warmth. The dresser in the hallway had spruce wood frames
containing portraits of him and her on top of it. They were
undeniably happy in those frozen moments. The large white gown
covered the floor in bits and pieces as Marie-Lynn discovered some
energy. Her movements terrified me for they were full of fury,
ripping, tearing, and destroying the tainted elegance. She would
never be married. I was afraid, not to look, but to look away.
When
she was finished, and the wedding dress lay in shards about the hall,
she lost that passion, and crumbled like a statue of dust. I rushed
to aid her, but her bare body made me uneasy. My eyes were betraying
me for I became, if only for a moment, more occupied with her figure
than her well-being. In his absence, my demons were surfacing, and
the distraught Marie-Lynn was at their mercy. I forced them away and
helped her up. We found ourselves sitting on her bed not long after.
This was not my suggestion. She refused to go anywhere else.
There
were no words to be spoken, and so we became the flesh of silence,
and its heart was the inability to cope. It had only escalated as
Marie-Lynn's tears stopped their march. The full weight of the
situation was upon her, turning her face to marble. She became a
breathing statue, seemingly incapable of emotion. But there was no
expressing her pain. No amount of weeping or howling could ever come
close to the intensity of her grief. Her happy ending had been in
sight. It had been promised. But the promise had been broken by
blood, and it seeped into her, twisting her future into one of sorrow
with only one escape.
“Somehow...
I knew...” Her words shattered the silence like broken shards of
glass puncturing the stillness of a lake. “When I saw you...” The
lake rippled until all that remained was the memory, and the shards
stored within. The stillness returned as a facade, claiming nothing
was different. The truth disagreed. “I thought... not to invite
you... but...” Her eyes grew distant, as if carried to the other
side. “I needed to...”
“But
why?” The words outran me and so disregarded the restraint I had
been exercising. It set a standard of disobedience.
“I...
wanted to know... if I belonged... in reality...” Marie-Lynn
confessed before shutting her eyes and lying down. It was not long
before she fell into sleep, leaving me alone in the all-too real
room. I covered her with the image of a lion, and then lost myself to
the stories painted on the walls. Words had been left behind among a
horde of photographs, telling their tale. I could never bring myself
to remember his face. My mind was too focused on the damaged I had
inflicted on Marie-Lynn's mind.
Like
me, she was trapped by the unreal.
-Zero
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