When next we meet (poem)

You have never seen me,

only my shadow.

But you have heard my voice,

as distant as it's been.

Every time we've met

I've been a shadow of doubt,

my arms in the shackles of fear,

hopeless with a burden of grief on my back.

Every time I've tried to get to you,

the shackles kept me away,

or the burden has kept my eyes down

so that I couldn't see the light.

But when next we meet,

you will see me

standing free before you,

flames burning in my eyes.

My wrists will be bruised,

and my back sore,

but I will be smiling,

shining with the light of the sun.

-Zero

This Path I'm On (poem)

The Flames roar and shake the unburdened air,

strung across the blazing path beneath my feet.

It winds over and through the vale of death,

down raging rivers and twists through thorny wilds.

It is a path of ever-burning embers

whose flames scorch and ignite me.

At any moment, I could burn up completely,

to become grey ash so easily scattered by the wind.

Occasionally others will cross my path

asking me why I do not take a straighter road,

seeing my burning with horror and fear,

asking why I do not leave behind the Flames.

But I have tread on other paths before,

for quite some time before finding the Flames.

They appeared to be easier, paved, safe,

but along them I was never home, never me.

I was nothing but a cardboard cut out,

so when I found the Flames I was terrified.

But the moment I touched them, I ignited,

burned to cinders, and rose again a phoenix.

For my place is in the light of the burning sun,

within the Flames that are my beginning and my end,

and for all the difficulties and pains it brings,

I have the courage to bear it all, as a child of fire.

-Zero

Tempest of Flame (poem)

You have a lot to say,
but when you open your mouth,
you can only speak in silence, 
the words run from your voice.

So let me try.
I can't speak for you,
but I can speak to you,
and tell you the truth.

Maybe he didn't love you,
maybe he just kept you around
because your fire is the brightest
thing in his miserable life.

Maybe you can't stop thinking of him,
or even missing him,
despite all the words rationality spews,
and it tears you up inside.

And that's okay.
You were brave
and gave him your heart,
and he carelessly broke it.

It's okay to be hurt,
to feel your flame dwindling,
the world collapsing around you,
that cruel insecure loneliness.

But please remember
you are a tempest of flame,
a tornado of power and energy,
bottled up in a young body.

All the tears in the world
could not change that.
Amidst the sea of sorrow
your flame burns defiantly.

You will split this sea,
and cross it in time.
You will find your way home,
back to those who love you.

Like the sun that burns so brightly
you sometimes seem completely alone, 
but the other stars are always there,
even when you can't see them.

So please remember
you are a tempest of flame,
and I'll always be here,
to make sure your flames never go out.

-Zero

The Last Night (poem)

We knew it would come,

this tentative goodbye,

but we tried to ignore it.

Now we can't.

So we lie on the couch together,

and watch an artsy movie online,

our fingers freely interlaced,

our routine for the last time.

We move to the bed,

chat and laugh like always,

our bodies wrapped up in each other

for the last time.

We wake up the next morning,

and have crepes for breakfast

with a nice cup of coffee,

for the last time.

We drive to the airport.

We hug and kiss,

we say goodbye,

for the last time.

-Zero

The End of an Era (Camp Nanowrimo update)

     Last Saturday night, I completed my 14th NaNoWriMo writing challenge, this time the goal being 75,000 words. I remember last April NaNoWriMo when I decided to do 100,000 words and found it to be the busiest month of my life. Well, this year again, I found it to be the busiest month of my life. Despite the lower word count, I had more on my plate. I was involved in clubs and groups around the university, from the Bishop's University Singers to the Bishop's University Gender Equity Center. On top of that, I had a full 20 credits (as opposed to my 18 last year). Like last year, I was in a relationship, but beyond that, this was my last semester at Bishop's University itself. 


     The consequence of this was that I spent a great deal of time simply saying goodbyes. I adopted a sort of "Yes" man attitude because I recognized that a no now could mean a no forever as I am leaving and I don't know when I might see any of the people here again. This led to a lot of good nights, but as my stats show, I barely got any writing done in the first half of the month. I had to catch up after most people had left town, as my stats show here. 

     Now all of this may suggest why this post is titled "The End of an Era", but there is one final reason behind it. Three years ago, when I completed my CEGEP, I likewise finished the first draft of "The Beginning of the End". At the time I had thought that it would mean the novel would drift out of my mind more like many of the others did. I was wrong, but it really did mark the end of a part of my life, just as the end of April did. 

     While my Camp NaNoWriMo page suggests that I was focusing more on writing "Mangled Reflections" and "Escape from Dreamscape", what ended up happening is that after finishing "Mangled Reflections" in the first or so day, I moved to "The Beginning of the End". Ultimately I continued writing it until the second to last day. I would have gone farther, but I ended up finishing it (kind of like how two years ago I finished its prequel the day before the end of April NaNo). This is the first time I've finished a rewrite of "The Beginning of the End", as I usually change enough to justify going back and rewriting it again. 

     And present in that ending of my main novel is the revelation I think I ultimately needed to have in my time here at Bishop's, the pinnacle of the revelation coming from a mix of Dante's Divine Comedy, church going, and the study of love in one of my classes, as well as the sheer experience of goodness in my time here. It's been quite a journey, and I sense it coming to an end. We will see what awaits me beyond it. 

     Take care, and until next time,

-Zero