When I met Katharine, it was perhaps
the least memorable or spectacular moment of my life. It was back
when we were still in college, back in the days we were all always
busy yet still found time to go to the bar frequently, as if we had
factored Happy Hour into our weekly schedule. Actually, I had. Made
things less stressful that way.
It was at one of these many Happy
Hours in my first year that we met. At the time I was studying
business (as if that was ever a good idea), and she was studying
psychology like half of the student base. The bar was this pub on
campus run by the Student council that was alright during Happy Hour
but for some reason tried to be a club every Saturday night. The
lighting in the bar was never consistent. It was either uncomfortably
bright or too dark. The dimmers didn't work apparently. It was
definitely not anyone's first choice, but it was close and the
pitchers were like 50% cheaper than anywhere else during Happy Hour,
so it won our poor student hearts.
When I met Katharine, it was one of
the bright nights, which is the worse of the two to meet someone. In
that light, you could see every little detail on their face – and
they yours – and this never boded well for me. It was her first
Happy Hour. She had been dragged there by a mutual friend of ours,
who introduced us as she made her rounds from table to table. We
exchanged the standard pleasantries and then they took their leave,
and I promptly forgot about Katharine. Now don't get me wrong,
Katharine was – is – attractive, but when you're in college,
there's no lack of attractive people. They're freaking everywhere, so
getting hung up on someone because they're attractive is a great way
to fall in love with the whole student base. So I moved on, and that
was it. Like I said, nothing spectacular.
And yet somehow five years later we
found ourselves standing across each other at the altar, promising
each other our own ever afters. It was never what I had expected. I
expected an explosion when I met my future wish, and instead I got a
remarkably unspectacular experience. I'd thought I'd know right away,
but instead I was really only sure about it the night of our
honeymoon. Before then, I thought something could go wrong.
We had been married three years and
together for six when I met Carolina. It was at a coworker's party at
his new apartment downtown. Katharine was feeling tired and didn't
really know him so she stayed home. I promised not to stay out too
late, suspecting the party to be a bust like the majority that he
tried to host. But I was wrong. It had a good turn out, about twenty
people in total, and more alcohol than we could have ever needed. I
gathered all of this the moment I walked in, being able to see the
alcohol stash from the entryway. I had only been there five minutes
when Harvey – my coworker and our gracious host – introduced me
to his younger sister, Carolina.
When my eyes met her cobalt eyes, I
felt my whole world explode and my body burst into nervous but
passionate flames, like a writer hopelessly devoted to writing but
afraid to share it. In that moment, something in me clicked, as if
her gaze had reached into me and pressed a button marked
“self-destruct”. It was incredible. It was spectacular. The most
spectacular thing I had ever experienced.
“Hey Josh, this here's my younger
sister, Carolina.” Harvey had said, his arm slung over my shoulder,
his free hand motioning to the cobalt-eyed beauty with a soft face
and short dark brown hair. “Carolina, this is my coworker Josh.”
There was a moment of pause, when we
just stood there as if we were porcelain dolls unable to move. Then
she broke the scene and stretched her hand out to me. “Nice to meet
you, Josh. Harvey's told me about you.”
“Oh yeah?” I shook her hand and
tried to keep my cool as if the feeling of her smooth skin wasn't
like having bombs dropped on top of me. “Good things, I hope?”
“If they were bad, do you think I'd
bother inviting you?” He replied with a laugh, promptly getting
distracted and wandering off saying, “enjoy yourself! Get a drink
or something!”
“Who's Carolina?” Katharine asked
me in an unaccusing tone. It had been eight months since the party.
We were at our apartment having our usual Saturday morning tea.
“Carolina? Harvey's sister. Why?”
I replied. I hadn't mentioned her once, have never kept a journal or
diary or whatever, and I knew she didn't go through my phone.
“I had trouble sleeping last night.
But you seemed to sleep fine, and you muttered her name a few times.”
I knew she wasn't accusing me of anything, that she was just curious
and making conversation, but I felt guilty nonetheless. “What were
you dreaming about?”
“I don't remember. Honestly, the
name probably got into my head from that song I've been listening to
recently. You know, the one where they say 'Carolina, Carolina' in
it. You know how dreams are.” I answered and she accepted it, not
knowing that I had only started listening to the song because of
Carolina.
“You know what sucks about you?”
Carolina said as we walked along the river. “You're kind of a
shithead, but you're such a gentleman about it. If you just left your
wife, we can finally get on with our lives. Come on, Josh. I'm sick
of waiting. I want you all to myself.” She stopped and pressed
herself against me. “And I know you want me to. I can feel it every
time I do this.” Her hand slid down and I pulled out of reach.
“what's wrong?”
“This will be the last time we
meet.” I told her. “That's why I wanted to see you tonight.”
“What? You're kidding. I know you're
a bit of a coward, but seriously, you love me not your wife.” She
replied, ready to fight with me to the very end. “I'm the one you
felt the click with. I'm the special one, and if you choose her over
me you'll always regret it, always want me instead. You know this as
well as I do, so why bother denying it?”
“I used to want this more than
anything. I thought this was how love worked, that it just happened
to you, that it was spectacular and explosive.” I confessed.
“Katharine and I have never been spectacular, or explosive for that
matter. We have never been a great tidal wave that engulfs
everything. Our love has never been like that. No, our love is like
the waves that constantly wash up on shore. It's constant and
dependable, able to carve out rock in the way instead of crashing
over it and being dragged back out to sea.” I turned to face her.
“I'm sorry, but I want my love to be ordinary like sunlight, not
rare and magnificent as an eclipse.”
-Zero
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