The Second Song (poem)

You gave me two songs

to serenade you with.

I learned one in a heartbeat,

started to learn it on the piano,

but we fell apart before I could.

I've learned the other now.

I put off hearing it for a while,

but then it crept on slowly, quietly,

and captured my heart and attention,

even though I didn't want to like it.

I think of singing it to you,

putting it into a concert you'll attend

as if we were still together,

just to give you something you deserve,

one of the many I never gave you.

-Zero

Just a memory now (poem)

I remember being crushed,

breaking down while doing dishes,

and being so heartbroken

that it was hard to breathe.

But it's just a memory now,

and I feel guilty for that,

as if I deserve to be crushed by heartbreak

because you certainly deserve to be mourned.

Maybe I've been through the fire so much

that I've already been charred to ash.

Maybe I'm in denial about it.

Or maybe we were wrong about us all along...

-Zero

Charlottesville (non-fiction)

     This is the type of post no one wants to write - that no one wants to feel like they have to write. But I guess it was a matter of time with how things were going. There was a part of me that had hoped Neo-Nazis would remain relatively quiet, and most of all, peaceful, which now seems like a ridiculous hope to have... But before I formally begin, I want to apologize in advance for any short-comings of my own, any thing I might have left out either in ignorance of it or in forgetfulness. I am only human after all. 

     By now, I'm sure you're aware of what happened in Charlottesville in Virginia recently, so I won't go into any details. Suffice to say that there was a 'white supremacist' rally which met with a counter-protest, and reacted with violence, leaving many injured and one dead. It is a terrifying thing to think about, and I can only offer what condolences and support I can as a relatively unknown writer from another part of the world, but I'm going to address white supremacy in this post. But before doing that, I want to discuss the concept of Free Speech, as these Neo-Nazis seem to suddenly be in love with trying to abuse the idea in their favor. 

     The main idea behind the right to Free Speech was the protection of journalists and writers (and etc.) from the government should the people criticize the government. This was intended to block any attempt of strict governance of ideas and promote a healthy and free-thinking democracy. Moreover, it goes without saying that everyone has the right to free thought, partly as a consequence of the impossibility of controlling another's private thoughts. This means that anyone can believe what they believe and express it through words. 

     Of course, it is not the case (at least not in Canada and in some other countries) that all things are allowed, usually meaning Hate Speech and threats. In most day to day cases, what comes to mind here is bullying of all sorts and harassment. Death threats against people can lead to formal criminal charges, as can telling someone to go kill themselves (most especially if they do and the messages are found). The point I'm trying to get to here is that these types of freedoms are not infinite. There are always limits, and those limits are the freedoms of other people. 

     Now, back to Neo-Nazis/white supremacists, whose entire belief system is based off of a superiority complex that implies the inferiority of people who do not have pale (white) skin (despite there being no modern data to support this idea). In recent times, they have been trying to use this freedom of speech card to escape criticism and to criticize the reactions from others that result from their warped belief system (and the expression of it). But this belief system is by its very nature in conflict with the freedoms of others (and if you take the concept of Hegelian Freedom, perhaps even in conflict with the freedom of white people), so the argument falls apart. Beyond that, it is very clear that they want to impose this belief system on the world again, and are clearly fine with using violence to do it again (since most of the world has seen it before and learned from the experience of World War II).  

      Although the idea of violence is terrifying, there is hope in the world, and I am certain that North America will not fall into white supremacy as a whole. These white supremacists are clinging to a time that is already on its way out - the time of the white man. If there's anything I've learned in the past six or so years - since I started this blog - it's that there is a lot of incredible people of all sorts of backgrounds in the world today. I know that North America isn't as white as it used to be, and the people who live in it are more aware of the world and the truth of race than ever before. There is no going back. We will fight them on every battlefield they try to engage us on, whether it is intellectually, online, or in public forums - even though the 'president' of the United States won't. And we will win. 

     Oh, and before I end this post, I want to make sure that it is very clear that white men are by no means oppressed and are still in a privileged position, since that seems to confuse some people. The truth is that yes, technically we are being placed in a worse position, but as someone on Twitter put it while talking about the 'oppression of white men' (link to Facebook screenshots here), "we used to be the only voice. Now we hold the only microphone" (JuliusGoat). The truth is that when you're used to privilege, equality/equity can feel like oppression. It's like starting early in a race for twenty years, only to have that early start taken away even though you didn't see anything wrong with it. Of course, that doesn't make it right. 

     Anyways, I think I will end this here. I just felt like I needed to post something condemning this way of thinking - this violence and hate. Sometimes silence is worse than making a mistake. Take care of yourselves, and do what you can for others. Until next time,

-Zero

Writing Our Story (poem)

I've finally written our story,

packaged it up in a nice little novel.

It's taken me years to do it,

but it's finally over.

Before it was like writing about the sun

from deep in the ocean's bowels

with no idea how far the surface is,

or even which way was up.

I was hopelessly lost in you,

and every attempt to describe it

suffocated me with its watery pressure

so that all I could say was your name.

But as I drowning out at sea,

someone – something – reached down to find me,

pulled me up onto a shore I didn't know was there,

and showed me the truth of my drowning.

The sun cast its golden light across the water,

blinding me momentarily,

but once my eyes adjusted to the light,

I did not see a sea, but a puddle.

It was shallow – barely reached my ankle -

no bigger than a pothole puddle.

The ocean had never been.

I had been drowning myself with fictions.

So I finally wrote our story,

the story of a delusional boy

who made an ocean out of a puddle,

and got lost in the idea of you.

-Zero

If you could just believe me (poem)

Inspired by: "Live Long Enough to Become the Hero" by Nathan Sharp

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In the past,

I've let the darkness win,

given into sorrow and despair,

and let my own fictions rule.

I have loved inadequately,

broken hearts that didn't need to be broken.

I have gotten lost,

and abandoned those who mattered to me.

I have been imperfect,

bad at fighting my own monsters,

but I have learned from my mistakes

and the guilty burden of it drives me.

I know it's reasonable to doubt me,

but if you could just believe in me,

you could see me as who I've become,

someone who has tamed the monsters inside.

I know it's difficult,

but put your faith in me,

and I will never fall to those monsters -

I will never fail you.

I know my past is haunting,

but like a sapling that becomes a tree,

I was once weak and easily carried away,

but now I am deeply rooted and sturdy.

-Zero