Thirteen

   "You stupid whore!"

   My name is Steven Coles. I’m an average everyday twenty-one year old Joe. I work in construction, just a normal everyday builder. I have a normal amount of friends, and three guys who are my brothers. They aren’t literally my brothers of course, just my best friends since I was five or six. This is my story, not the whole thing but from a certain point in my life, when I made the greatest mistake of my life. Here we go.

   "Cheers!" We yelled simultaneously, hitting our glasses together. This is where we’ll pick up the story, at a pub in downtown Toronto. It’s Joe’s birthday, he’s twenty now. All four of us are in our twenties now, one more year and we’re going on a road trip to the U.S. Who travels without drinking?

   "Ah, nothing like a good refreshing beer after a hard day at work!" Peter let out a hearty laugh, he loves his beer. Hell, on his eighteenth birthday he drove all the way to Quebec just to drink. We weren’t eighteen yet but went along with him. It’s true what they say about Quebec, the legal drinking age is only just a suggestion.

   "Amen to that brother!" Dion roared. We all work in construction, working from early in the morning to late at time sometimes. We always work hard, we need these jobs. And to think, we don’t even have kids yet.

   I’m sure you’re wondering what this specific night has that makes it important in my story. This is the night I met Malika Black, the girl of my dreams. She is a dark person, hair so dark it almost looks black and her eyes are the same. Her skin is naturally dark, but light at the same time. It’s a light brown. She looked like a goddess that night; she looked like she wasn’t one of us. She was so beautiful that she couldn’t be real. But she was, very real at that.

   "Oh, look at that one! She’s a damned pretty little thing isn’t she?" The last one of us that you haven’t met yet said. Marshal’s his name, and he’s always on the look out for pretty girls. His standards are high so we use him to judge girls easier. If she’s good enough for him, she’s more than good enough for us.

   "Oh wow, I’d like to take her home with me." I know it’s a fairly disrespectful thing to say, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. I just wasn’t thinking clearly and it’s not just the beer. She was absolutely stunning. I could hardly get the words out.

   "Meh, boobs aren’t big enough." Peter could care less about a girl’s face or hair, the rest of the body was what he cared about. Yes, he spends a bit of time being single, but of course we all do. At least he chooses to be single.

   Dion kept his eyes on us; he didn’t care about some pretty girl walking in. He already had his eyes on a girl of his own. We laughed a little, to soothe the harsh meaning in Peter’s voice, then went back to our drinks. "You catch the game last night?" More sports talk, yay.

   My eyes didn’t leave her, I don’t think they could. She ordered a beer, same as mine. She leaned up against the bar as she waited for her drink. She was turned in my direction, almost like she was waiting for me. I think she was looking at me, or through me. To be totally honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was looking through me. Our eyes locked, she was looking at me. Sparks jumped around her eyes, and I mean I saw them. This was the beginning.

   Her drink was handed to her, but she didn’t move an inch. She just stood there, looking at me. She paid him, but never broke the connection. I just sat there and stared at her, mystified. Slowly, I was absorbing the strange energy she radiated. Most girls this pretty would have me fearfully staying away, but this was different; I had to talk to her. I downed what was left of my beer. It was time to take a risk.

   "I’ll be right back guys, gunna get another beer." I stood up and grabbed my glass. I broke the connection, but just barely. Something kept it going, but it wasn’t our eyes meeting. She knew what I was doing, I could tell by how she stayed there; as she waited for me. Dion nodded at me, "go get’em tiger!" No words were spoken but I got the message. I stumbled around the table and let my eyes find hers again. She was watching me, her eyes never left me. There was a subtle smile hidden on her face. Her lips were rosy red.

   I leaned over the bar, "Hey, can I get another beer please?" Now I had time to talk to her, this fallen angel that stood in front of me. Was she sent here for a reason, or was it just luck? The seconds were ticking away and I just stood there. I screamed at myself in my mind, "Come on Steven! You’ve got this!"

   "Hey," Her voice was soft and a little unsure, but I could hear the confidence shining through. "What’s your name?" I was beaten by the girl, a little degrading I find. I guess she decided to skip the ‘hellos’ and skip straight to the names. I choked on my own vocal chords for a moment, and then the beer hit me.

   "My name be Steven Coles, what’s yours beautiful?" Don’t ask me why I said any of that, I had been drinking I swear. She still had that hidden smile on her face; I guess she doesn’t let the real ones out all that often. I swore to myself that night that I would get her to let a smile out, if only once.

   "Malika Black. I noticed you were staring at me. What was that about?" She wasn’t being defensive at all; actually I think she was fucking with me. She was joking, just wanted to watch me squirm. Oh you got to love the cruel ones; they always have the biggest hearts.

   "Uh yeah, I was… uh…" And squirm I did, but I’ve always been a little different from most guys. "I was admiring your sheer beauty actually; it was too much work to look away. So, I thought why fight it?"

   "Oh! An honest one! And he’s sweet too!" She actually sounded surprised; I guess a lot of guys stare. I don’t blame them.

   Now let’s fast forward a few months. Malika and I started dating not long after we met. It didn’t take long for us to make it official, hell we made it official a month (on the dot) since we met. Things seemed serious, they felt serious. We moved in together, split the bills. She was working as a publisher at the time and she was hoping to make a reputation off this local writer who was still in high school. But damn that kid could write, and he already had a large fan base, made famous by the Internet. She did make a reputation off of him, and tons of money, but that was later down the road we’re following. For now, let’s try not to get ahead of ourselves.

   It was mid-April and the world was coming back to life. But always with spring comes change. And sometimes you don’t want change. This was one of those times.

   I guess we had fallen in love in those months. I’m still not sure what love is. Is it love that we do such horrible things to each other? Oh wait, we haven’t gotten quite to that point in the story yet.

   The wine glass fell, spilling wine all over Malika’s expensive dress. We weren’t at a restaurant at least; we were in our crappy little apartment. "Ugh! That’s never going to come out!" She was not happy. Maybe I should have started running at this point.

   "Sorry honey. My bad." I looked up at her from her dress and got a glimpse of the devil. She was pissed. I didn’t think to prepare myself or run, but I don’t even think I could have. It would have been like trying to protect yourself from a train speeding at you with a piece of paper.

   "Sorry? You think sorry is going to fix my dress? You worthless piece of shit!" She was ferocious and brought a new definition to the word ‘bitch’. She flipped the table onto me and while I was dealing with a table being thrown onto me she vanished. Probably right out the door, I heard the door slam. Not only did she flip a table onto me, she wasted all the wine we had and I had to clean it.

   She didn’t come home that night; I’m still clueless to where she went that night. She was still angry when she came home the night following. I ended up sleeping on the couch for the next week. She wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t even look at me. Every morning in that week had that dreaded silence and she always left early. She left before she even ate breakfast.

One of Malika’s commandments:
Thou shall not spill thy wine.

   If you think that’s bad, you should see the other commandments of hers. I just happened to have broken just about all of them, by accident nonetheless. Well, either by accident or I thought they were jokes, like the second commandment.

   So I came home from work one night, tired and sweaty from a hard days work. Malika was making dinner, and we were having tacos. Have I mentioned that I love taco night? So I took my usual shower then grabbed a beer, turned on the game and plopped myself on the couch. I didn’t realize my mistake until the T.V. was unplugged by you know who.

Commandment number 2:
Thou shall not watch the game on taco night.

   And no, I’m not joking. That was a serious rule she put down and I thought she was kidding when I first heard it too. She was dead serious. I didn’t eat that night; she put a freaking lock on the fridge! Not only that, I missed the game and had to sleep on the couch for another week of silence between us.

   I could tell you about every single commandment that she had placed on me, and I could tell you about every single time that I ended up sleeping on the couch for a week. But to be totally honest, that would take forever. It seemed like anything could set her off, turning her into a total bitch by the end of the night. I’m surprised she didn’t just leave and never come back. Or at least, that I didn’t leave. But it’s almost time for this story to come to a close; it’s almost time for me to show you what I did.

   Now we’re at about three years into our relationship. We’re engaged, but don’t want to get married just yet for some inexplicable reason. It’s been three years that I’ve put up with her bullshit. Three long fucking years. Did you ever see the news article about the ‘tamed’ deer that attacked its owner? It just goes to show that you can’t tame a wild animal. It just goes to show that Malika can’t cage me up either.

Commandment number 13:
Thou shall not be free.

   This was the only commandment that I hadn’t broken, until now.

   "You stupid whore!" She had taken it too far. I have been putting up with her shit for far too long. It’s time to even the score.

   "What did you just call me, you worthless piece of shit?" I’ve gotten so used to her calling me that that it has no worth anymore. Her words are as empty as her soul. That is, if she has one.

   "You heard me." I can hear myself. I sound bold, confident, and angry. She goes to slap me; to abuse me like she has all this time. But I catch her hand; no more. No more letting her abuse and control me. It’s time to break free.

   "Let go of me!" Only one word is going through my mind, over and over again. No. No. No. No! I open my mouth but no words come out, something else does. I’m on the front line now, and this is my battle cry.

   I recommend putting this story down now, for the horrors I am about to commit are even too horrible for me to stomach. I wish I would just walk out of the apartment now and never come back, but that’s not how things are. Everything but her fades to black, nothing else matters now.

   My fist collides with her face, sending her to the ground. There’s a flash of red, red like blood. The demons have come. In an instant I’m on top of her, holding her down. She’s wearing her stupid designer clothes, paid for with my money. I tear her shirt apart, exposing her bare naked chest. I am an animal, one that has broken free from its cage.

   One of my hands reach out and forcefully squeeze her breast, I am in control. I bet he was doing this earlier! I bring my hand up to her throat and bite it like a cat killing its prey. She screams. She screams. No one can hear her. She bleeds. No one can save her. I can taste it now, the sweet taste of revenge. I don’t know what’s come over me, but I can’t fight it; I’m possessed. I pull back and look right into her eyes, gifts from Hades. I don’t want to fight it.

   My hand slides down her chest, all the way to her pants. I grab them and with my new found strength, tear them open to grant me access. She’s hardly moving. It’s almost as if she’s trapped inside of her fear, stupid bitch. I put my foot up against her neck, freeing my other hand. Now, with the full force of both of my hand, I tear her designer pants apart, along with her underwear. Fucking whore!

   I pull it out of my pants. I know you know what I’m talking about. I insert it in her hole forcefully. I rape her. Is any of this love? If she loved me would she have cheated and treated me like crap? I don’t think so. This lying bitch is getting what’s coming to her.

   "Steven…" She breathes to me. I look her right in the eyes like the idiot I am. I don’t see the demons in her eyes anymore. All I see is the Malika I knew when we met. And that on its own stretches out and drags me in. There’s fear, so much fear and respect in her now. But I do see a demon in her eyes still, but it isn’t inside of her, it’s inside of me. Despite everything she’s done, I’m still wrong. Two wrongs don’t make a right; two demons don’t make an angel.

   I pull out. Stand up. Walk to the window. Jump out.

   I’m falling ten stories now, trying to take back all that I’ve done. But there’s no going back now, there’s no redemption for me. The cement rushes up to greet me. Pain shoots through my body, but that’s nothing compared to what I see. The last things I see before I die are flames, the flames of hell.

-Zero

"Ismabelle"

Her name is Isabelle. She has golden hair, flowing down and covering one of her eyes. Her eyes are deep ocean blue; she's beautiful. This is the beginning of our story.

My name is Zack. Nothing special here, light brown hair and gray eyes. Well, they aren't actually grey but they look it; they feel it sometimes. I get looks, maybe because of the black eyes I tend to have. Maybe it's the cuts on my faces, not many people really understand.

I cough up blood. This fucker can fight. His fist connects with my face this time, sending me stumbling to the left. I look at him and give him a bloody smile. I'm loving this. He's six-four, six inches taller than me. He looks like he weighs about 250 pounds, he could crush me by just sitting on me. I won't let him though.

"Is that all you got pipsqueak?" He yells at me. If only he knew what I'm doing right now.

I start laughing almost hysterically. I can't control it; it's how I am. Actually, there's one more thing that I can't control. Myself. There's a flash of red, and suddenly my fist connects with his face. He falls to the ground. Unconscious. He's lucky. Sometimes, I lose more than just my mind. But it's over now.

"You know you shouldn't fight so much, it just isn't good for you!" Isabelle says to me later that day. She's not a big fan of fighting. I wish I could show her the insane power you feel when you fight, that seemingly endless strength pouring in from who knows where.

"Oh come on babe, it isn't-" She cuts me off.

"Don't call me that. Ever." Her voice is harsh and rough like sandpaper. "He used to call me that." She's talking about her ex-boyfriend, Liam. It's been six months since, but it still hangs over her like death itself.

"Sorry, Isabelle. I won't do it again." My head goes down to the papers on my desk in front of me. There's a mess of words and symbols but all I see is one thing. All I see is her nickname that I gave her. I don't know why I always hesitate to use it. "Ismabelle."

She smiles faintly, that's how she smiles best. She doesn't say anything, just looks me right in the eyes. She looks at me with those big blue eyes of hers. They're endless, deeper than the ocean. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, if that's true her soul goes on forever. It's endless and eternal, older than time itself.

"Remember the story behind that name?" I ask her.

"Yes." She nods at me, reaches over and grabs my hand.

It was all back in an unfamiliar place, a place we ended up wandering into together. I'm the curious sort of guy, new places amaze me. I have to explore them. So there I was, exploring a new place without anyone to accompany me. I love art, and new art museums are like heaven to me. Apparently they are to her too.

I knew her before then, but things changed that day. This was before I got into fighting. I was wandering the halls of some unknown art museum when I saw her standing there adjacent to a window. The sun poured onto her, shining through her.

I could never describe the way she looked right then. I mean, she's beautiful to begin with, but that day she was a goddess. Her golden hair in the sunlight radiated, the paintings looked like nothing in comparison. Not the finest art in all the world could compare to her right then. She was my Athena.

"Isabelle! What are you doing here?" She turned suddenly and looked at me surprised.

"I should ask you the same question! I'm here on an art trip with the school!" I forgot that they were going there that day, bad day to skip out on classes to go there. If the teacher had seen me I would have been neck deep in detentions.
"Oh right... That's today... Oops." I gave her a smile that said "I'm in shit now."

"What? Afraid that the teacher will find you?" She started laughing lightly. "He's not going to notice you Zack, he has over one hundred students on this trip. He can't possibly remember them all." She had a point; she was right, like usual.

We just kinda stared into each other right then. It was the beginning of our relationship right there, when we truly met each other. She gave me that faint smile, and grabbed my hand with a strong but gentle grasp. She tugged at me, trying to get me to follow here somewhere. I did follow her, into the light filled hallway behind her.

"What do you think of the view?" She asked me quietly as if to make sure only I could hear. I looked out the windows and saw the city that sprawled out in front of us. The buildings were old, of beautiful Gothic architecture. Trees of all sizes stood strong, soaking up the light with their green leaves. It was almost as breathtaking as she was.

"It's... beautiful." I always have trouble getting words out when something like that lies before me. "But you have it beat." Unless of course I'm not staring directing into her eyes.

"I'm speechless..." She turned to me and looked me right in my grey eyes.

"Is Ma Belle." Or roughly translated into, "Is my beautiful." I came closer to her, never letting my eyes see anything but the endless expanse of her eyes. She kept her eyes locked on mine too. I leaned in. Closed my eyes. Let our lips lock; kissed her.

"It's been three months since as of today." I smile at her, and look back at the papers on my desk. I'm eventually going to have to finish that story aren't I? Isn't it funny how thoughts can go through your mind that almost seem totally unrelated to what's going on?

"And?" She knows what's coming next, just likes to play games with me.

"And I love you, Ismabelle." I pull her in for a kiss. Our lips lock once more. You know, you'd think that after three months each kiss just wouldn't be as magical as the first but it is. That's just how love is. I don't want this moment to ever end. But eventually you've got to wake up.

I open my eyes and the light enters them, blinding me temporarily. I'm back to where I was when I fell asleep, a year after that day. Isabelle and I broke up two months ago. I've been dreaming about her ever since.

I look up from my pillow to the clock on my beside table; it's two o'clock in the afternoon. I love Saturdays for that reason in particular. I used to get up earlier to go see her, but those days are long gone. I slide myself out of bed and get dressed. I sleepily walk upstairs with my eyes half closed.

"Wake up Zack, I've been waiting here for you for two hours! Could you be any less oblivious?" That voice... That laugh... I open my eyes and look at the person who now stands at the top of the staircase. Could it really be?

"Isabelle? What are you doing here?" My heart races. My head gets a little light. I'm still not used to seeing her. She gives me her world famous smile. I almost drop dead.

"Call me Ismabelle Zack." She reaches out and grabs me by the hand the same way she did at the museum and helps me up the stairs. I find myself looking straight into her eyes, and I still have no idea what's going on. "I'm sorry for everything, could you forgive me?"

"Of course Is...Ma...Belle..." It's been what feels like an eternity since I've said that. It's been too long. I see that look in her eyes, that familiar look. I kiss her, still just as magical. Love is forever.
-Zero

"Tony"

The deafening crunch of metal may just be the last thing I hear.

They call me Tony, Tony Griffin. I'm nineteen, pretty young to die. Wouldn't you agree? If you were dead right now, think about every single thing you wish you did before you died, think about everything on your bucket list. Like tell the girl you love that you do love her, that she's your world. I never got the chance, I wish I did it earlier.

This story begins here, at someone else's party. I wasn't there, I wasn't drinking. It wasn't my fault. We're going to be following a girl by the name of Natalie, the other driver. She was off partying with friends like every other weekend. Maybe she's done it before, but actually got home alive.

"Hey Natalie!" A guy yells towards her upon her arrival. She almost jumps, but in a good way. It's her boyfriend, well of course he's there, it's his party. They've been together for several months at this point, lucky guy. He's lucky because he gets to live.

"Oh hey Rick!" She jumps on him and hugs him tight, as if never to let go. If only she didn't let go, maybe just maybe, things would be different right now. There's something hidden in her ocean blue eyes, maybe she has a feeling of impending doom. They pull away slowly, but he still holds her close to him.

He's the romantic of course. He looks deep into her eyes with his dark brown eyes, and pulls her in for a kiss. Being held in loves embrace must be nice, especially when it's your last night alive. Death is like a looming shadow; you can't fight it, you can only run. But eventually you'll hit a crossroads, and one path will bring you back. We both chose that path I suppose, or perhaps she chose for me.

They pull away, and he whispers something in her ear. "I love you, and I always will." She doesn't say a word, just looks him right in the eyes with both the fear and the truth of his words shining through. They just stand there, locked in each other's embrace for what seems like eternity. An eternity together before Death comes and seizes one of the two lovers; Romeo and Juliet.

Her story is only half the story, mine is the other. But for now, we see her half. Someone whistles at the couple, "Get a room you two!" they yell. It's Jude, Rick's best friend. They're like brothers, been friends since they were five or six I think. It's amazing what you can learn about people after you die. He's five-ten and weighs no more than a hundred and fifty. Short blonde hair and light brown eyes, a rare combo it seems. He gets to live a while longer too.

"Oh shut up Jude!" Natalie yells at him, she knows he's been drinking. She knows he's been drinking a lot, so much she'll be driving him home tonight. She's always the designated driver, but she still gets drunk. This time she'll be getting hammered.

The drinks go around like that old song we used to sing on the bus when we were kids. "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around 98 bottles of beer on the wall!" Ironically, split between her, Rick, Jude and about three others 99 bottles of beer were drunk that night. You'd think if the beer didn't kill them the hangover would. Only one of them died, Natalie. And it wasn't the alcohol that bashed her skull in, it only helped.

You think by now, people would have gotten smarter. Or at least more responsible, but every generation has to relearn the lessons of the past. I just wish it didn't have to be me. It can't be karma, I'm a nice guy to everyone. This isn't fair, I shouldn't die so soon. But life isn't fair, so why should death?

She got into her car. Black death speeding down the highway to heaven. Jude's in the car, sitting in the passenger seat beside her. There's two others in the back, underaged and shouldn't have been drinking. They're just about passed out. The sirens go off behind the swerving car. The red and blue lights of a police car.

"Oh shit! The Popo! Pull over Nat!" He yells, but she doesn't listen. Somehow that wasted guy managed to have that sliver of intelligence left, too bad she didn't listen. If she had pulled over, Death would not have to come. Death wouldn't have caught her and I.

She speeds up. "No way! There is no way I'm getting caught drinking and driving! My parents will kill me!" Jude continues to protest as the sirens continue to ring. I think he was the only one there with any sense, he'd take the blame if it meant keeping his life. He did, but she didn't. I didn't. She's all over the road, if only I had seen her sooner.

The cars collide. Everything goes black.

I was at my friends house, with a few others. We were having a movie night, we rented Mastermind. It was hilarious, I guess it was a good last movie to ever see. But still, I'd rather it be some random movie that's going to come out in fifty years. I'd rather live past tonight.

Ever listen to "The Hell Song" by Sum 41? I think I've come to realize how fast life can be compromised. I just can't believe that this happened to me. I don't understand why. It's like part of me, just won't agree with it as I float up to heaven. I'm going into the ground, but I'll be resting with the stars. I wish I wasn't going there just yet though, it's too soon. I haven't even had a kid, or finished college. I can never follow my dreams now because someone else decided to drink and drive. Life is a bitch.

"You guys coming?" I say with a laugh as I hop into my car. It's white, like snow. I don't know why, but I've always preferred white over black. It just seems right. The fact Natalie didn't see me earlier is hardly believable.

"Slow your horses Tony! We're just saying good-bye!" One of the others yells back at me from the doorway. She hugs our host and pulls the other two with her. She's been the only thing on my mind for what feels like an eternity, and very well might be. She has long elegant auburn hair and stunning hazel eyes. I'm glad it was me and not her driving that night.

We pull out of the driveway and turn on the radio. I love music, it's my life. We drive across town and onto the highway. The last highway I will ever see. We're laughing and having a good time. It's late, but we're not all that tired. I honestly think we'd been laughing too much to notice if we were tired or not. Up ahead I see the headlights of Natalie's car.

It looks like it's driving normally so I don't give it much thought. But as it gets closer, it almost seems like it started swerving more and more. I didn't notice. Not until it was too late.

The deafening crunch of metal may just be the last thing I hear. And it is. The glass shatters, but I can't hear it over the screams coming from the others. I can only see white. The crunch suddenly over powers ever other sound there is. Everything goes black.

-Zero

Wanderer's Journal #5

   I remember the anger and the hate that had been building up inside of me all that time. I somehow knew she was lying to me; she would never be mine again. No matter how long I would have waited she wouldn't become mine again. She was a liar, a traitor. She was just waiting for me to turn my back so that she could put her dagger through it. She hated me deep down for being different too. I knew I did not belong and people always tried to have me change for them. 

   I will admit though, she was on the verge of a breakthrough. Sara too influenced me to change. Things were going well for them, but one day something rebelled inside of me. I grew red with rage; I needed to be alone. They would not let up, not now, not ever. I told Marie-Lynn that I have to take some time alone in my own world, just a couple years off. She seemed to worry only about herself when I cut her out; she didn't ask what caused this change. The first year alone again I spent just staring at the fire Kim had found me in. I wondered constantly if it was not because of Kim that it remained lit. I was tempted to walk back into it, but fear held me back. 

Fire, since I was young has been my element, my symbol. No one seemed to understand that you can create a flame, you can kill it, but you can never tame it. My fire was especially stubborn; it called out to me at all times. It called out to me even in reality. People can call me insane all they want, I know they're nothing like me. Fire is strong, passionate and has a rage like nothing else. 

   Marie-Lynn had no idea what kind of horrors lied under my skin, and she never did. Even if I let her in completely and told her every excruciating detail, she would be ignorant still. Ignorance is bliss they say, I agree but sometimes curiosity does get the better of us. The third year was the breakthrough, but not for the others. It was my breakthrough; I was breaking free. I stepped into the fire once more, the first time in centuries. It held me and embraced me. It warmed my cold heart and thawed the ice in my mind. I found my way back to the spot I had been sitting in back then. I sat down, in the exact same way and closed my eyes. 

   Whispers echoed through my mind, warm and welcoming. There was something I lost when I met Kim, something I left behind. It was mine once more and I felt complete. I now understood why the flame would not die, it had nothing to do with Kim. It was my flame. This was perhaps the greatest of my years, or it would have been if not for my interruption. It was the sixth month and I morphed the world around me from a forest to a city and back many times. I painted the streets and freed the music from the boxes on the corner. The world was living again, in the way it was intended to live. Things were perfect, and I was perfectly alone. And then she came along. 

    Marie-Lynn in mid-year came to find me. She did find me and didn't like what she saw. I was sitting in the fire still, living vicariously through the music and art around me. My eyes were closed but I could see across the land; I knew she was coming. 

   A scream evaporated into the air. She was angry. She was angry you see, because I never told her about the times before Kim so she just saw the fire as what Kim left behind. She was terribly misinformed of course, as was I. I knew the words she screamed at me would soon be forgotten, lost in the soothing music. My eyes remained shut, but a voice was sent into her ears as a whisper. It told her to relax, the fire is not as it appears. She did not listen and would not shut her trap so I swept her off her feet with a gust of wind and brought her to the edge of the fire. 

   She never knew how to control the world like I was right then. I had total control, I could make sounds out of nothing and give power to what has none. I opened my eyes and she saw the change that the fire gave me. My eyesight had improved immensely, I could see the broken dagger that lied on the ground about, I'd say at least three kilometers away. I could see it crystal clear and it's intricate design on the blade. I had seen her drop it in a vision, shocked at the size of the fire. I sent the roots to grab it and rocks to break it. She would not betray me with no weapon. 

   I stepped out of the fire, being as calm as she was not. She immediately slapped me and I started laughing. Shock shot across her face, why was I laughing? I explained to her the true nature of that fire, something that was even lost to me. I explained to her that it was what gave me the ability to do so much here; it gave me hope. But it didn't give me hope for a trivial human need, it gave me hope for my own survival in a world that seeks to destroy me. 

   I am a black sheep. 

-Zero

Wanderer's Journal #4

   There's a reason I'm stuck in this destroyed world. I was with Marie-Lynn before this. Reality and my world blended together it seems. I have to sleep and eat, but I feel like it's all a dream. It's more like a nightmare right now. Like I've written before the world is in total disarray. The people who are alive are more animals than humans. They should be dead. They should all be set free from this torture that I condemned them to.

   I'll tell you this, I hate this world. It makes beasts out of men and it's making a demon out of me. It is worse than when Kim left me. Hell, what she did to me looks like heaven right now. The freezing rain and inability to move for years. I spent almost a century like that, year after year frozen in place. Even an eternity trapped like that would be an improvement from this. The rain was at least a little soothing. It gave me the thought that life could commence again. This world is dead though. Rain does not fall from the sky anymore. The lakes and the rivers long ago dried up. The trees and plants shriveled up and died. Humans became the main source of food for the carnivores here and the herbivores have already been eaten.

   Marie-Lynn is dead. I killed her. It tears me apart and it keeps me from sleeping at times. It was the first day that this happened. I took my sword, a once honorable object and stabbed her in her heart. I haven't been able to look another person in the eyes since that horrid day. I break every mirror I see in anger. I'm such an idiot! Why would I do something like that? She kept me alive and now that she's gone I'm dead. Of course my heart still beats, but I haven't been able to feel it beat like I used to. She was the only person who could have saved the world through me. I probably killed her because of that too. 

   I'm worthless. She dreamed of a world that was pure and real, and I killed her. She started screaming when she saw the blood on the sword; it wasn't her own. I made a sacrifice before betraying her like that. A blood sacrifice to the deep nothingness of my mind, for nothing in return. I killed her in cold blood. What is love when you cannot love yourself? It isn't. 

I had cut myself along the wrists to get the blood to flow. The pain was such a sudden rush for me. I was tempted to taste it and see what poison tastes like. 

   I remember the color fading from her hazel eyes, but the fear remained. It was burned into my memory so it could torture me for the rest of my existence. I know it isn't just some nightmare in my own world that I'll wake up from soon. Normally when I rest my head I have about eight hours and forty five minutes before I wake up and reenter reality. That eight hours and forty five minutes translates to about a year in my world. It's been ten times that at the very least. Ten years in my world straight is not possible. It wouldn't make any sense, eighty six hours straight of sleep? Not likely. This was reality. This was all real and I murdered the only person who ever understood me. My wrist still bleeds at times as if to remind me of my idiotic mistake. The only action I would ever take back if it meant I would die. I much rather be a pile of ashes than be the murderer of Marie-Lynn. 

-Zero

Wanderer's Journal #3

    Reality became worse than usual. Anger boiled deep within me and I came to hate everything having to do with her. Her friends for the most part left me alone to my suffering, like my friends had long ago. But there was this one girl who refused to give up on me so soon. Her name was Sara. 

    She was both my friend and Marie-Lynn's friend. She was perhaps the most stubborn and understanding of them all. Her short stature and petit figure complimented each other well. I had decided to trust her with my time; she would not betray me. She in turn trusted me with secrets of her own and I would keep them, locked away in the forgotten depths of my mind. She expressed her wish for me and Marie-Lynn to have lasted longer because she believed I would be different too. I came to warm up to this girl quite a bit. She and I would be friends and nothing more, that's what made her different. In reality I often would feel alone and forgotten, she changed that. 

   The years I would soon spend in my world would be less torturous than the times after Kim left. I was being soothed by the presence of another person. I did not fall for her, but I did trust her. The freezing rain stopped after about 5 years; Marie-Lynn came up to me on the fifth day in reality following our break up. She told me she wanted to be friends instead. My pride told me no but I told her yes. I knew she was far to alike to me for me to toss away. I explained this to Sara and she agreed with me. Later though in my world I noticed little buds growing through the dry earth. Life will find a way I suppose. That year I spent my time watching the grass grow ever so slowly. By the end of that year the grass covered the world and the lakes and rivers regained most of their beauty. The world, my world was creating itself now. It was it's own entity.

 

   I feared that my emotions and my mind no longer had control over my world, that Marie-Lynn freed it from my grasp. I later discovered that, that was not the case. There's something I wasn't entirely aware of that lies inside of me; no longer forgotten. My world recreated itself because I hoped for something better. Hope was my savior, not Jesus. I forgot about that one little thing that keeps all humans going at times, even me. Hope is the strength that carried me through the sixth day following. Hope might even be what brought Marie-Lynn back to me in reality. She wouldn't leave me alone but I couldn't hate her, not for anything she's done. I knew I still loved her but I wouldn't let go of the feeling that she would have second thoughts. I kept telling myself it was insane but it was possible. And so, we talked and talked. 

   I brought her into my mind and not just my world this time. She started to understand the anger and the pain that both her and Kim caused me. I explained to her what had been happening in my world and she was genuinely surprised. She told me the world I taught her to create for herself was doing the same thing. Her world though lacked destruction and fire. She hadn't done anything to it since I was there with her. It was building itself from scratch. She described the night sky in her world and all of the colors there were. She told me about the times she scaled the mountains and swam across the lakes. Her world, as she put it was near paradise. There was however one thing that did bother her. 

   She was a depressed female. She had gone through many other males before me and regretted her heartlessness. She told me that death called out to her in both worlds, hers and reality. She was constantly tempted to drink the poison of the medicines in the world. I had a rush of fear and felt the need to protect her, even from herself. We were walking through the city while we talked about this in our own way. It's ironic that she was nearly hit by an incoming car. The only reason she wasn't was because I wasn't in my own world. I saw the car coming and pulled her out of the way. She called me a hero. 

   I am no hero. I protect that which I love and I do not love much. I am a self proclaimed Zero. I go by the name of Kuna Zero now, Kuna being my name and Zero well, being my title. She disagreed with me and told me I was a hero. The thoughts of her being dead haunted me though. At times just the thought inspired tears to roll down my cheeks. I was terrified of being left alone in this world, even though she hardly understood me then, I believed she would come to understand me the best. I was right about that much. It did not take her long to start to reconsider her choice. As she slowly became aware of the demons inside of me (through years of discussing in my world), she grew more and more fond of me. I returned the feeling; she was so much more than I saw initially. She had demons lying down deep below her surface too. I doubted I had actually loved her before; I hardly knew her. I started to feel that the end was not behind us, and neither was the beginning. It started to whisper in my ears, telling me that the beginning is coming soon. I believed that I would be different, like we did at the false beginning we had. I knew I would be different.

 

   The only thing that seemed to haunt me was the fire Kim found me in. It found it's way back into my world, stronger than ever. I haven't stepped into it since I walked out of it centuries before. It still burned in the exact same location as before; it was something I could not destroy. I couldn't suck the water out of it, or burn it with my fire. Water had no effect on it either; it was invincible. Eventually in the years I spent in my world following Marie-Lynn's reconsideration of being with me, I learned to ignore it and advised her to do the same. We, not even in all of our years talking and learning together did we touch our lips together again. It seemed that that luxury was gone, for now. 

-Zero