Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Wanderer's Journal #16

      The girl with eyes as dark as night haunted my dreams for weeks following the first dream. I can handle people in my dream world, but not when I have dreams instead. I was powerless to shut her out, fully knowing that she most likely has no idea that she is in my dreams. I was a slave to the torment. Every morning I would wake up confused and lost. There was nothing I could do. And to make things worse, Marie-Lynn left town. I never brought myself around to tell her about the dreams. I wish I did. Maybe then the torment might have ended. Kate and I broke up shortly after the dreams started. They were driving me insane and her jealousy issues were going to make things worse.

      I'm still having trouble believing that all of this madness that erupted in my teen years was the result of Kim first entering my world. I could have believed all I wanted that Kim would have been the only one to torment me like so, but I would have been wrong still. The lack of sleep that came from trying to avoid the dreams of that girl quickly caused immense fatigue. I spent most of my time trying to stay awake. But as long as I didn't dream about her, I was happy.

     I was obsessed. The dreams stirred a madness beneath the skin that overtook me and threw me into a raging fire. I hated myself for letting myself fall for the mind tricks of a succubus. The dreams wouldn't go away, so I did what they told me to do. I spoke to her (to be frankly honest, she spoke to me first). The first words she's ever said to me had a friendly tone to them. Not only that, but she sounded almost unsure in a way. She sounded scared. While I may be dead wrong about what she felt at that moment towards me, the real question of mine was, and still is, "why did she talk to me?" This question could come to haunt me and I would always think of asking it. I never did. But I needed to be saved.

      Marie-Lynn was also going through a hard part of her life while I struggled with my dreams. Soon these dreams would be called a form of insanity that the girl with eyes as dark as night cast on me. I was her puppet, her very irritated puppet. I couldn't take my eyes off of her most times that she was around. Occasionally I would approach her and we would talk, but often found ourselves with nothing to say unless it was rehearsed earlier. The insanity grew as it shrunk. I became more obsessed, but less afraid to sleep. It didn't take long for me to succumb and begin sleeping again. My world was suppressed, but so were the tormenting dreams. I slept peacefully for a while. Things with the night-eyed girl did not get much better, and never really did. It was a foolish thing to ever believe otherwise. But I did believe otherwise. The dreams, they showed me a world that she and I could live in together. The world was darker and took the aspects that made her so unique; her eyes were nothing like the sun.

       I hoped and prayed for salvation from the curse of mind, but nothing came for quite a while. I became enraged, mad from my lack of power over myself. It escalated to the point that I was beginning to consider murdering her. The images flashed in my mind while I was awake. But quickly this murderous stage of my insanity would be combated by the dreams themselves. What they did was show her loving me. As twisted as I knew it was, the dream itself seemed to be gentle and sweet. It was not my hand that held hers; it was hers that held mine. The dream drove me even farther to the edge, but I stopped wishing to kill her. The dream had won.

      I was trapped like this for quite a while, and it was horrible, absolutely horrible. But Marie-Lynn, the girl with hair that ignites in the sun, came back just in time to save me. I was wandering alone at that time, unsure who to turn to. But when we spoke again, I could feel the madness lifting. My smile couldn't have been any bigger and my heart couldn't have been any louder. When we spoke, I was truly happy.

-Zero

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