Soon she would see what hid in this cave, my cave. It wasn't a monster, at least not in my books. Its roar shook the cave already, she seems a little drawn back. Hesitant and afraid, maybe she forgot she wasn't in reality for a moment.
It revealed itself, bringing a new light on the area. A lion, larger than life, born and made of flame. This was my inner animal, the true shape of my flame. She would come to understand it, but in many centuries to come.
A wild animal, savage and free is what I am deep inside. I can only control myself for so long, until I break free of the chains that bind me in place. I am a slave to no one and nothing. This is what I value in life more than anything, yet now it seems like nothing compared to her life. The life I took away.
Reality was harsh and uncertain the following day, she disappeared. I couldn't find her and the thought of her haunted me like it does now. It confused me, left me to my 'realistic' thoughts that it was too late to apologize. That our friendship was destroyed now, and forever.
I was wrong. Very wrong. Things actually got better than they ever were. Even better than when she was mine. But she was still with him, he wouldn't set her free. He influenced her, she might not have realized but I saw it as clear as day. The drugs she once left behind her, he brought them back. Cursed her once more. She was drawn in so much by him. He still didn't deserve her. She was too good, even for me.
She died her hair black. Black like his heart. The flames left her hair, something I'll always miss. They'll come back eventually, but that will take so much time they might just die. I couldn't let that happen. I would relight it if I had to. Burn it all off even, turn the black hair to grey ash. And from the ashes, a new flame of life would emerge. She wanted to pierce her body once more, said she wanted to go back to the old her.
I will tell you this one thing, there is no going back. Those days back when we were kids, or even last week are out of our reach. You grow as a person, don't ever think that you aren't at least a little better now than before. I've tried to go back, tried to become who I used to be again. I failed and it was more trouble than it's worth. If there's anything I could teach her, it would be the truth of who she is. The truth of how different she is, always in a good way. Teach her to love herself, like I love her.
Her boyfriend was nothing special. Sometimes it felt I was filling the holes that he wasn't. I was sweet, caring and protected her. Or at least I would try. He would bring danger into her life, like she didn't have enough problems of her own. His weak mind and weak body would find themselves under attack, right in front of her eyes. He provoked more people than he inspired. He was a burden, on all of us.
They attacked him one night, outside of Marie-Lynn's second home. I wish I was there. I would have helped him, despite my dislike for him. I'm a born protector, and the danger he was in stretched out at her. All of them, she said there were at least ten of them. Ten on one, hardly fair. Even scum deserve better chances than that. Two against ten would have been at least a little better.
I found myself at times feeling so powerless, a shield locked away in a chest. I'm there, but I can't do anything. She never has me when she needs me. I can't protect her if I'm not there. Back in those times, I feared for her. She always seemed to find trouble when I wasn't around. I thought she would die because I wasn't there, instead it was because I was there.
I think I might have shown her what going back to 'who' she used to be. Going back to a time when she was trying to be someone else.
Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.
-Zero
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