Sickness seized my dear friend soon after. It did not kill her, but immobilized her. Immobilized her mind and her body. The pain stretched far into her, like it touched her soul itself. Emotions ran wild, like forest fires. I do like a good forest fire though, so true and pure. It brings new life by carrying death across the land. It brings out a new generation of trees and other plants. It starts anew. Her emotions were the same, sometimes more like the forest than the raging fire.
Old feelings would die, old promises forgotten. I was one of those old promises forgotten. Left, but not broken. Standing strong in the night, like a lamp. Shining through the darkness, alone but willing to aid passerby's. Maybe I've always been like this, but something tells me otherwise. Why would I want to help others? Most humans aren't worth the trouble. Most. A few are, but they never ask for the help. They're like me, street lamps along the road of life, showing others the way. Luke was another 'promise' lost.
He had her trapped, for weeks in reality. She didn't see it, until I started to break her free. With his help nonetheless. He was an idiot, didn't know how to set a decent trap. Probably why she broke free, freed her mind. Once she was free, she was an escaped tiger. Almost completely new to the feeling despite previous experiences of freedom. I guess it's true what they say, you can't truly be free if you never felt what it is like to be a slave. She didn't consciously realize what she was acting like, or even what she was saying. Not that I minded much at the time.
She told me the truth, about her and I. Raging fire burning. A feeling she never quite understood, even leading up to her death it confused her. I'm sure however that it has confused many people before her. Hell, it even confused me. But we aren't meant to understand something so great, something so complex. Humans are the one thing we can never truly understand, so why try? I would have easily taken the chance with the feeling if I were her, but of course I'd much rather know what would happen rather than wonder about what could have been. What could have been still keeps me wondering.
The truth, satisfied both my hopes and fears. Well, half of them. It was the yin and yang, a balance. God I hate the grey zone in between. If I didn't have fears I wouldn't have hopes. She just happened to always make both come true. The hope of seeing her again, the hope of thinking and believing that she actually cared about me like I did to her. The fear that she didn't care in the slightest. The fear of never seeing her. I think she cared, but not as much as I would have liked. But of course, nothing's ever good enough for anyone. Every plan we ever made was cancelled.
The truth was that she did care for me, in a way that she didn't understand like I mentioned earlier. The worst part about it is, you know that I still wonder about what could have been. She found herself a new tree growing in her forest after the fire died. Mine burned, but not to the ground. The feelings nearly disappeared, but they could never stop new ones from resurfacing. This time as well she did not tell me. She didn't see that I saw it though. Her tendencies became almost like clockwork, easy to see when set in motion.
He wasn't familiar, almost invisible to me before. I had no idea who he was. He was, from what I saw, a perfectly okay upgrade from that scum she had been with before. I trusted this one, hoped I didn't regret it later. Feared what would happen if I was wrong.
Only time will tell.
-Zero
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