There was not always happy feelings between Marie-Lynn and I. I will recall a time, perhaps the first step leading to her murder. It was almost March in reality and I found myself drifting apart from her. It was the hate and violence she had shown that threw me away the most. While I did respect her for being brave enough to do it, I strongly disagreed with what she did. I expressed my worry for her, it seemed that she brought more negativity than there was needed. The strange feeling of mistrust brewed inside of me. I didn't understand why at first, but later I pieced it all together. I let myself believe what she said, but doubted it all the same. I grew sick of her, almost to the point that I wanted to scream. She had seized visiting me in my world, and I spent the years alone. I was glad she was gone but, she would find me in reality instead. I would smile at first, as if I couldn't even control it. Then she told me she was going to hang out with him. His name was Luke, I never bothered to learn his last name. He was one of those guys I just couldn't stand. I didn't trust him with her, I knew he would try to take advantage of her. He would take her under his wing and crush her with it. He would bring her into drugs then leave, with her there begging for more. She would become his little puppet, and it would not take long for him to have tried to have sex with her. He was the extreme of his kind. I warned her and she disregarded my warnings. I told myself that she would not end up being with him. I was wrong. She told me and I didn't like it. That's where in drew the line, I was going to disappear. I warned her one final time, then started to fade. She wouldn't notice my disappearance for a while, he would keep her distracted.
But I was wrong. She noticed my disappearance, but I had found myself wanting her to. I found myself fighting against myself, a war with no weapons as to whether or not I would reply to her attempts to talk to me. Finally, I found the answer I was looking for. Two days had passed since my disappearance and it was tearing me apart mentally and emotionally. She was the only thing on my mind and every time I heard her voice calling out to me I wished she would come grab my arm and trap me. She did not enter my world, left me to my self induced torment. My heart raced every time I saw her, it was not according to plan. The answer to my problems for the time being was not according to plan either. I found her instead, and apologized for my rash actions. I explained everything to her, let her know my dislike for her new relationship. She accepted and forgave me, I was lucky.
Something however came back, or resurfaced. You can't swallow hate, you would choke. I was angry, how could she abuse my trust? Surely she knew I would have wanted to know right away. He was scum, I didn't understand why him and not me. Why did I have to wait and he didn't? Why can't we go back to regular friends? They lasted longer than I did, much much longer. I felt discarded, used like a toy. Thrown away like I was broken. March was approaching slowly, this month was almost over. And perhaps even this chapter of my life, but you never did know back then.
March came, and hit us like a train. There seemed to difference between days and to most people it seemed fairly regular after too. I found a change quickly, something I couldn't hold in any longer. It was the hate, coming back to ruin things once more. At first I kept it away from her, but that only lasted just under a day. I couldn't hold it in anymore, it was choking me. It slid out of me like a snake, ready to strike. She didn't know. Soon she would. It attacked, flaming words were thrown. She tried to retaliate, but her anger was nothing to me. Regular insults are laughable in my eyes, she couldn't touch me. Power corrupts, and that's just what happened. I was in power, a god among mortals. I'll tell you this now so you can remember it and not make the same mistake I did. Power isn't happiness. The argument was much shorter than usual arguments, she drew the line quickly. I remember before this argument she told me something I knew not to believe, she told me she needed me. She cut me out, cut me off. She vanished and at first I felt victorious, but what is victory when you have no one to celebrate with? It's a victory on paper, a loss where it counts. I chased her away, like the idiot I can be at times. You can win an argument with quick thinking and logic but you can't win someones love like that, only their hate. After she cut me out when I would see her, I couldn't look into her eyes. Actually when she was close by I couldn't look at her at all, it would have been the end of me. I couldn't stand the idea of seeing the hate she has for me in her eyes, even though I deserved the torment for what I did.
-Zero
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