It was a mid autumn day that I came across a place that seemed invisible to the world. My last lecture had just ended and I wandered outside, absorbing the sun’s radiant energy. My eyes squinted at first, but quickly adjusted to this new light. I began to walk towards the bus stop, briefcase in hand. Something I had only carried as a joke at first quickly became my everyday object, or even my trademark. If my classmates knew me for anything, it would be my light brown briefcase. It’s nothing special, but it sticks out in modern day society. I am probably the only person in the entire college who actually uses a briefcase at all; they’ve gone far out of style. But it’s my style now.
I normally dress like any other young adult that attends college nowadays, but on occasion I like to dress up a little. I did the first day of school, after all. I walked into an unfamiliar building full of unfamiliar faces with a black fedora, dark blue blazer, red t-shirt, and matching dress pants and shoes on. I’m positive that I got quite a few odd glances here and there. One thing that I knew would happen, but I chose who I am over who they want me to be. I am by no means a serious person, I dress this way to send a message (and because it makes me feel pretty). What that message is you might ask? “It is not the clothes who make the man, but the man who makes himself.”
Anyways, enough about me, back to the story I was telling. It was a mid autumn day; I think it was mid October, to be more exact. I was walking to the bus stop with my briefcase in hand, in the clothes that I wore on the first day of college. My shoes tapped against the cement pathway leading to the bus stop and my fedora slept on my head peacefully. I was almost there when a gust of wind blew out of no-where (there were no clouds in the sky that day), stealing my hat away from me and stashing it in the ditch to my right. But this was no normal ditch.
From the road the ditch dropped about twenty meters before it hit its least shallow point. A stream swam through it, waving its way around the bushes that had made their home there. I remember looking into the ditch thinking that I’ll never find my little black hat in the blur of yellow and brown. I followed it in anyways, thinking “what’s the worst that can happen?” I took off my blazer and hung it from a branch, securing it so the wind doesn’t blow it away as well. I braced myself for small cuts and began to make my way through the bushes. The stream wasn’t very visible from the road; everything was hidden by the leaves and endless branches of the bushes and the trees. The search seemed utterly hopeless, especially once I made my way through the bushes.
The stream was perfectly clear and was carried along by the rocks that made up the stream’s bed. The trees almost seemed to sway from side to side together like a synchronized swimming team. In a way, they almost seemed like guardians, guarding this place from the evils of the outside world. It’s crazy, I know, but it still seemed like that was their purpose. They were guardians, and they had allowed me to enter peacefully. I came to understand that place as safe and hidden from the world. Years later that sanctuary might not have the same feeling to me.
Alone, I stood among the guardians, unsure of what to do in this place. I had actually forgotten why I was there to begin with. A voice came out of the natural silence, beckoning me to speak to Her. I tell the voice off, that my insanity must be cast off and ignored. But it was persistent, like a woodpecker trying to get grubs out of a new tree. We argued, back and forth, until eventually I gave up. I agreed that I would talk to Her, the Girl in the Leather Jacket. The voice faded, pleased with my submission.
Suddenly, I was reminded of my purpose in this forest sanctuary. My fedora, no longer stashed away from the insanity, rested upon a branch now, hovering right above the pure stream. I reached out to seize it, much like a hero seizes honor. I placed it back on my head, and risked a quick gaze into the waters below. The eyes that met mine were not my own in the mirror reflection. They were much darker than my own near-black eyes, and yet carried a certain light in them. I recognized them immediately as Her's. Trapped, I stood there, but reality beckoned me back.
I quickly left the sanctuary, shaken from the event. The voice returned to guide me to yet another downfall. I hated it, wished the greatest doom on the voice that spoke to me. But smile at me it did, and a warm feeling in my chest did it bring the next time I saw her. I stood beside her at the bus stop, and gave her a quick smile before I looked away again (I could not look at her for more than a few seconds). The bus pulled up, and we gazed inside of it.
“Looks like a full bus to me.” She said to me, mystifying me and confusing me. This sort of communication was unheard of in years past, a quieted whisper was all I could summon alone. But as we got onto the bus, Aphrodite came and aided me. The Girl in the Leather Jacket was her daughter after all. I was just a common man, so who was I to speak with daughters of Aphrodite? But it was the goddess who guided me to the Girl in the Leather Jacket, and to defy a goddess would be insane.
The bus was nearly full, with only a few available seats. The daughter of Aphrodite took the first seat near the front of the bus, and perhaps I should have stood there, but I continued down the aisle. When I found my seat, I could still set my eyes upon her. It was a twisted day, but pleasurable nonetheless. Many cursed thoughts would wander through my mind that day, like Maybe, in some twisted way, I actually do have a chance with her. This was reinforced by the voice when she looked back at me when the seat beside her became available. I was tempted, but too soon was my chance taken away from me by an unknown person.
“Hey, I thought I would give you some company.” I said to her when the seat was freed and taken by me instead. A smile, incomparable to any you will ever see, appeared on her face. My stomach churned restlessly and my heart pumped my blood at 163 beats per minute (abnormal for my athleticism). The voice laughed in its victory over me, still giving me the warm feeling around her. I began to shake, but I tried to hide it from her, the daughter of Aphrodite. I am still not sure whether or not she noticed me shaking, but I pray to Zeus that she didn't.
I would later come to realize that around Her I get the 'shakes' and even suffer from a small anxiety attack, giving me some sort of crazed feeling around her. I have tried, time after time, to cast away and ignore the insanity inside of me. But it stays like the voice wants it to. These small anxiety attacks would come to calm themselves around Her, despite her being the daughter of Aphrodite. The obsession the voice had with Her, the Girl in the Leather Jacket, would never fade though; it would carry itself around with me where ever I go.
We spoke for the rest of the bus ride, up until she would be picked up at the bus stop by her father. I sat down after she left, lost in the wonders of this daughter of Aphrodite. The shaking began to stop and my mind slowly became my own, but my heart would not. My, once thought to be cold, heart beat with the force of a thousand men and with the speed of a gazelle's flight. It seemed to be a curse she laid upon me, a curse that the voice praised. But the curse gave me strength, a certain strength that I hadn't felt before. It seemed to be another ally of the insanity that bound me so. It was at this time that I realized that the insanity had won.
After that talk on the bus, supported by both the goddess and the voice, we began to talk more often. We began to call each other 'friend', something I never thought I would ever be able to do. But this friendship, as deep as it ended up growing was never going to satisfy the voice. It hungered for more, like a starving lion does after eating a mouse. Nothing ever seemed to sate the hunger that the voice had.
I found myself in the ditch once more, this time in the winter time. Snow covered the ground and rested peacefully on the trees. The crystal clear stream had a thin layer of ice above it, giving it an enhanced mirror image. The sun, as rare as it was in winter, slowly traveled across the sky, fully in view. Its light came down upon us, the Girl in the Leather Jacket and I. I brought her here, just because the voice told me to. I knew my insanity would not end, even as I stood there in my winter jacket, shaking from something besides the cold.
I knew what I had to do. The voice had already explained it all to me. I was nervous, yes, but still confident, thanks to the insanity that cursed me. But no amount of confidence could or would make this easy, the request that the voice made. To me it made the insanity look sane. Winter butterflies danced around in my stomach, giving me flight but a sinking feeling simultaneously. The prized question, you know the one, was the one I had to ask. From Hell, I might be. From Heaven, she truly is. I looked the daughter of Aphrodite right in her eyes, the near-black eyes that carry that special little light in them. I took a deep breath.
And the question was asked.
-Zero
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