Reality became worse than usual. Anger boiled deep within me and I came to hate everything having to do with her. Her friends for the most part left me alone to my suffering, like my friends had long ago. But there was this one girl who refused to give up on me so soon. Her name was Sara.
She was both my friend and Marie-Lynn's friend. She was perhaps the most stubborn and understanding of them all. Her short stature and petit figure complimented each other well. I had decided to trust her with my time; she would not betray me. She in turn trusted me with secrets of her own and I would keep them, locked away in the forgotten depths of my mind. She expressed her wish for me and Marie-Lynn to have lasted longer because she believed I would be different too. I came to warm up to this girl quite a bit. She and I would be friends and nothing more, that's what made her different. In reality I often would feel alone and forgotten, she changed that.
The years I would soon spend in my world would be less torturous than the times after Kim left. I was being soothed by the presence of another person. I did not fall for her, but I did trust her. The freezing rain stopped after about 5 years; Marie-Lynn came up to me on the fifth day in reality following our break up. She told me she wanted to be friends instead. My pride told me no but I told her yes. I knew she was far to alike to me for me to toss away. I explained this to Sara and she agreed with me. Later though in my world I noticed little buds growing through the dry earth. Life will find a way I suppose. That year I spent my time watching the grass grow ever so slowly. By the end of that year the grass covered the world and the lakes and rivers regained most of their beauty. The world, my world was creating itself now. It was it's own entity.
I feared that my emotions and my mind no longer had control over my world, that Marie-Lynn freed it from my grasp. I later discovered that, that was not the case. There's something I wasn't entirely aware of that lies inside of me; no longer forgotten. My world recreated itself because I hoped for something better. Hope was my savior, not Jesus. I forgot about that one little thing that keeps all humans going at times, even me. Hope is the strength that carried me through the sixth day following. Hope might even be what brought Marie-Lynn back to me in reality. She wouldn't leave me alone but I couldn't hate her, not for anything she's done. I knew I still loved her but I wouldn't let go of the feeling that she would have second thoughts. I kept telling myself it was insane but it was possible. And so, we talked and talked.
I brought her into my mind and not just my world this time. She started to understand the anger and the pain that both her and Kim caused me. I explained to her what had been happening in my world and she was genuinely surprised. She told me the world I taught her to create for herself was doing the same thing. Her world though lacked destruction and fire. She hadn't done anything to it since I was there with her. It was building itself from scratch. She described the night sky in her world and all of the colors there were. She told me about the times she scaled the mountains and swam across the lakes. Her world, as she put it was near paradise. There was however one thing that did bother her.
She was a depressed female. She had gone through many other males before me and regretted her heartlessness. She told me that death called out to her in both worlds, hers and reality. She was constantly tempted to drink the poison of the medicines in the world. I had a rush of fear and felt the need to protect her, even from herself. We were walking through the city while we talked about this in our own way. It's ironic that she was nearly hit by an incoming car. The only reason she wasn't was because I wasn't in my own world. I saw the car coming and pulled her out of the way. She called me a hero.
I am no hero. I protect that which I love and I do not love much. I am a self proclaimed Zero. I go by the name of Kuna Zero now, Kuna being my name and Zero well, being my title. She disagreed with me and told me I was a hero. The thoughts of her being dead haunted me though. At times just the thought inspired tears to roll down my cheeks. I was terrified of being left alone in this world, even though she hardly understood me then, I believed she would come to understand me the best. I was right about that much. It did not take her long to start to reconsider her choice. As she slowly became aware of the demons inside of me (through years of discussing in my world), she grew more and more fond of me. I returned the feeling; she was so much more than I saw initially. She had demons lying down deep below her surface too. I doubted I had actually loved her before; I hardly knew her. I started to feel that the end was not behind us, and neither was the beginning. It started to whisper in my ears, telling me that the beginning is coming soon. I believed that I would be different, like we did at the false beginning we had. I knew I would be different.
The only thing that seemed to haunt me was the fire Kim found me in. It found it's way back into my world, stronger than ever. I haven't stepped into it since I walked out of it centuries before. It still burned in the exact same location as before; it was something I could not destroy. I couldn't suck the water out of it, or burn it with my fire. Water had no effect on it either; it was invincible. Eventually in the years I spent in my world following Marie-Lynn's reconsideration of being with me, I learned to ignore it and advised her to do the same. We, not even in all of our years talking and learning together did we touch our lips together again. It seemed that that luxury was gone, for now.
-Zero
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