There's a reason I'm stuck in this destroyed world. I was with Marie-Lynn before this. Reality and my world blended together it seems. I have to sleep and eat, but I feel like it's all a dream. It's more like a nightmare right now. Like I've written before the world is in total disarray. The people who are alive are more animals than humans. They should be dead. They should all be set free from this torture that I condemned them to.
I'll tell you this, I hate this world. It makes beasts out of men and it's making a demon out of me. It is worse than when Kim left me. Hell, what she did to me looks like heaven right now. The freezing rain and inability to move for years. I spent almost a century like that, year after year frozen in place. Even an eternity trapped like that would be an improvement from this. The rain was at least a little soothing. It gave me the thought that life could commence again. This world is dead though. Rain does not fall from the sky anymore. The lakes and the rivers long ago dried up. The trees and plants shriveled up and died. Humans became the main source of food for the carnivores here and the herbivores have already been eaten.
Marie-Lynn is dead. I killed her. It tears me apart and it keeps me from sleeping at times. It was the first day that this happened. I took my sword, a once honorable object and stabbed her in her heart. I haven't been able to look another person in the eyes since that horrid day. I break every mirror I see in anger. I'm such an idiot! Why would I do something like that? She kept me alive and now that she's gone I'm dead. Of course my heart still beats, but I haven't been able to feel it beat like I used to. She was the only person who could have saved the world through me. I probably killed her because of that too.
I'm worthless. She dreamed of a world that was pure and real, and I killed her. She started screaming when she saw the blood on the sword; it wasn't her own. I made a sacrifice before betraying her like that. A blood sacrifice to the deep nothingness of my mind, for nothing in return. I killed her in cold blood. What is love when you cannot love yourself? It isn't.
I had cut myself along the wrists to get the blood to flow. The pain was such a sudden rush for me. I was tempted to taste it and see what poison tastes like.
I remember the color fading from her hazel eyes, but the fear remained. It was burned into my memory so it could torture me for the rest of my existence. I know it isn't just some nightmare in my own world that I'll wake up from soon. Normally when I rest my head I have about eight hours and forty five minutes before I wake up and reenter reality. That eight hours and forty five minutes translates to about a year in my world. It's been ten times that at the very least. Ten years in my world straight is not possible. It wouldn't make any sense, eighty six hours straight of sleep? Not likely. This was reality. This was all real and I murdered the only person who ever understood me. My wrist still bleeds at times as if to remind me of my idiotic mistake. The only action I would ever take back if it meant I would die. I much rather be a pile of ashes than be the murderer of Marie-Lynn.
-Zero
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