Sunday, March 20, 2011

Wanderer's Journal #2


She spent the remainder of the year with me. I taught her how to create a world of her own, but she rather be with me. I grew to enjoy her presence quite a bit; she was different too. We spent our time wandering my mind together. The fact it wasn't reality made it so we never had to sleep, and it never had to get dark. We could walk as long as we wanted and not get tired, we could walk through the most difficult terrain and not feel the difference. We were gods in this world, together. We didn't age either, only reality carried that trait. Most nights still came; we enjoyed the sunsets together. I started to enjoy the presence of another person in my world, and started to see the beauty hidden deep within. Things changed when we woke up though; she wouldn't look at me. I felt like I had trusted her too well in my world, believing that when we would meet in reality she would be mine again. This was not what happened. She avoided me and at night rejoined me in my dreams. Why couldn't she be with me in reality? Eventually I asked her why, in our tenth year in my world. She looked at me and laughed cruelly, I was too different; I would ruin her reputation. I asked her what I could do to change that. She told me to become like everyone else; to convert and conform to their idiotic ways. 
 
I couldn't change for her. I loved her but I could not lock myself away like that. I needed to be free. Then, one night she didn't appear in my world. 

She left me so suddenly my world seemed uncontrollable for many nights following. I spent years and years in the blistering cold, unable to move. I was crying and the freezing rain froze me to the ground; I was stuck. I spent many years in my world like that and I started to wish that I would just die. The loneliness rained from the skies when it would rain, while other nights it would break the ground apart and send me into the burning depths. If there was such a thing as hell, I was in it. Sometimes in reality I would watch her and she moved like it never happened. I knew she remembered it all, I knew she didn't forget me. She might have been drowning in her own world but I will never know if she was. I just wanted to be myself and she wasn't going to let me. At this point I was trying my hardest to change but nothing ever worked; I just didn't fit. I think several months passed in reality like this. I spent over ninety years in my world being tormented by what she did to me.  
 
Then I met Marie-Lynn. It wasn't in my own world; it was in reality. She was younger than me, and still is of course. She held a certain degree of maturity in her that made her stick out. She was only thirteen though and I was sixteen. I felt like I met someone who was just like me. I kept her out of my world for as long as I could. I imagined her there only; there was no way she was getting in. She had hazel eyes that pierced like knives. Her hair was soft and auburn colored. She loved to laugh. We only met a week or so before we got together. I trusted her to be different from Kim. I beg you to remember that for me a full week feels like seven years. I let her into my world the day we got together. She would not betray me like Kim did. The first year we were together was magical. It made Kim look like a mere insect. I fell for her much faster than Kim (who I never quite understood). She seemed to be in tune with me, much better than Kim. When I would think of doing something she would have just started doing it. She surprised me the entire year. I started to open my eyes to how beautiful she was. Slowly and surely she became the most beautiful thing in any world to me. He face was unbelievably soft and so were her lips. I remember the endless kisses that we would share in that first year. Each one left me wanting more; I was addicted. A lot of things happen in a year it seems because well we fell in love. We traveled the world like Kim and I had hundreds of years ago. Of course I created a new world for us to travel, but I couldn't escape the special places I shared with Kim. Kim still haunted my memories like my shadow follows me around. Those two girls were the only ones I've loved. They were the only people I ever actually cared for. Such a shame that when all of this happened they either died or fell to their own addiction. 
 
Marie-Lynn and I often found ourselves on top of mountains. They became our home in a way. A place we could go and be alone but still together. I remember how I never once wanted to do anything sexual with her. I just wanted to hold her close and never let go. She was breathtaking in everything we did. When we would swim she would be a mermaid. She would sparkle and shine brighter than any star I could have created. I loved the deep blue of the lakes and the rushing rapids of the rivers. The trees remained green and snow was only on the mountains. Our world was so vivid and alive. It was warm; the perfect temperature all year round. I eventually forgot about the place I was in after Kim left me. I guess I forgot to be afraid. By the end of the second year we started to find ourselves alone more often; in our minds. 

The third day was the worst of the times we were together. She tried to change me and have me do something I didn't want to. Her friends gave me odd looks like everyone else did. I had a wretched feeling. I was starting to see Kim coming back through another person. Why couldn't I forget her? The third year came that night. We were quiet; I refused to change. I tried to pull her back into me like we had been the first year. I didn't want to lose her. She was not supposed to leave so early. I wouldn't let it happen without a fight. It was the sixth month of the third year and she turned to me. Tears streamed down her cheeks; she didn't want to do this, but she had to. 
 
My mouth fought with me, it was trying to let me cry. I told myself that I would not let myself cry in front of her. I don't know why I did this but I did. I rippled the world and sent the ground under her feet flying to the other side of my world; away from me. I fell to my knees and let the tears pour out. They burned my cheeks like fire, so much pain. I couldn't let go of the belief that I could trust her not to try and change me. I was wrong. The tears poured out like a waterfall and broke through the ground under me. When I finally had no more tears to cry I felt a sort of rage building up. Why would she do this to me? That stupid whore! Slut! Bitch! Worthless pathetic human! I let a roar erupt from me. The trees around me were incinerated instantly and the ones farther away were torn from their roots and tossed away. The ground dried up like there was a drought and I burst into flames. I couldn't contain the anger anymore. I never saw her again in my world. After that breakdown I wandered my world; destroying it all with my hate. She was worse than Kim. I spent all of the remaining months destroying every last bit of life in my world. Marie-Lynn and I created that world and she left me to destroy it. 
 

-Zero (sorry for the large paragraphs, I'll properly paragraph it later.)

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