Sometimes I worry about Marie-Lynn and her friends. They seem almost addicted to their alcohol. It concerns me but I should not watch over them like this anyhow. It is not my place to protect for the meantime. They must learn the hard way because I've learned that I giving them a hard time does not help. Marie-Lynn however has become obsessed with my world, our world. A character I would have never known and yet I know too well. Sometimes one must face the darkest aspects of themselves to truly be able to live with ones self. Sometimes you just have to accept that there are things you cannot change, and maybe even accept them as well.
Today is undefined by numbers, this world long ago forgot such things. I dare not even try to count the days, for I would exceed three thousand by now. Three thousand days since this would crumbled, three thousand lies later I still stand. Now they say the crazy live in houses and the homeless are rich. I am a little of both, I long ago lost the sanity I thought I had and I left my home. I lived in a quaint little two story house in the isolated wood neighborhood of the city. No one ever visited me because well, no one knew who I was. Now I wander like a ghost, never knowing my end.
I try to never look back on the world I left behind but sadly, regret follows me around like my shadow. A thousand tears have been shed, not for me, never for me, but for the choice I made. Many people think that I would save the world from it's sins like jesus. To be honest, I believe the world should burn for our sins and well here we are. Only a few humans remain, only the strong. To be strong in this world is different from the one before, it requires more than just physical strength, but more mental strength.
The large brutes were the second group to go, they were too cocky in their abilities. The first to go were of course the obese people; the idiots who wasted their lives on the technology that would soon become useless. Cell phones, even if they worked they would be burdens now. Besides who would you call? Would you call your dead friends and families in hope that they survived? I wouldn't even if I had them. Human contact is minimal in this world because we can't trust each other. How do we know that the other isn't another enemy?
To fight the darkness within you must fight yourself. No one fights themselves in this world, unless it involves killing. Murder is not looked down upon here, as long as you eat it at least.
Cannibalism is not looked down upon when there's next to no food. I do not think I have ever devoured a corpse before, nor ever will. I spent my life hunting for my food even in the city, this is no problem for me. I have however seen others being devoured by another man and I will tell you this, there is nothing that makes a man more like a beast. The look in a mans starving eyes makes him look like a starving wolf. His barbaric movements and rough tearing apart of the corpse truly show his beast hidden within. A thousand men can succumb to the curse of hunger and it only takes one to break free to set things in motion.
I wonder sometimes though, how humans would taste. Would it be like chicken or like beef? Would it be lean or fatty? These are questions that will remain questions for the rest of my life. I would die before I would sink my teeth into a fellow human being, even if they aren't as human as they were before.
I once had a friend in high school, if that's what you wanted to call her. She had this insane belief that well, men who can rape others are not human. This belief of hers bugged me because I knew it was wrong, so dreadfully wrong. A man who rapes another person is still a human, he is no more godforsaken than the so called innocent person beside him. He merely acted when others would cower. Most rapes back then were not acts out of sexual frustration and lust but mostly to dominate and feel powerful. There are many times that a man will feel restrained and powerless, a woman walking by might give him the thrill he needs.
A thousand years may pass but rape will not. My 'friend' never understood that and ironically enough was raped and murdered by a classmate who she had been bullying. They say what goes around comes around, well he was never convicted of anything, he was never charged. Her death was ignored, almost like the world knew she deserved it. He later went on to be a great humanitarian and a great man. His dark past did not follow him because well, no one cared then. Her death wasn't a tragedy, it was necessary. No one mourns the loss of someone who was more trouble than anything.
She was a burden on society with her ideas, she would scream them out loud and no, she wasn't mentally challenged. See with this girl there was nothing physically wrong with her, actually she was very attractive. The only thing that was wrong with her was her ego, she thought so highly of herself when she spoke it seemed she expected us to bow. Her ignorance was her greatest fall.
There was another female I knew back in the days of high school. Let's call her Kim to avoid confusion. Kim is not her real name but not very far off. I may be making a reference to the eminem song entitled Kim but you can never be sure. She and I got along just fine, she was a typical mainstream female. Well at least she hadn't completely degraded herself at that point.
Oh the idiotic society I grew up in. We had drug dealers who were no more than 13 or 12 selling to 10 year olds. It was pathetic. I am sure the average age of children having sex dropped significantly those years, and I knew it at thirteen years old. Anyways back to Kim and I. See I was the 'loner' type, I spent my time happily alone. I knew no one was like me anyways, I wasn't normal since I was born which is most likely why my parents disappeared after I moved out. I was an outsider in my own home. The only place I found that I belonged was in the woods or in my own world. Kim was the girl who would try and bring me into their world.
She thought I just needed to be taught to act a certain way, such a foolish girl. She would eventually learn to just let me be myself. I was an impregnable wall. The first day she entered my world there were fires littering the streets; she was afraid. She found me sitting inside the largest fire which was about thirty feet high. She screamed at me and told me to get out; I opened my eyes. I asked her what she was doing here and she shrugged at me. Something told me she would be an interesting one to study so, I explained the nature of the world she found herself in.
She reacted quite well, considering she left her own world and entered mine. She did not scream and run, where would she run anyways? This is my world. How does someone run from the world they happen to be in? They don't, they stay nice and quiet. She asked me to leave the fire, while I was quite comfortable in the embrace if the fire I did as she asked. I slowly got to my feet and step by step found myself standing directly in front of her. This gave me the chance to observe her a little closer.
From this new perspective I could see she had a defined hourglass shape, and hair that seemed to flow on it's own. Her eyes seemed as dark as mine, on the brink of total darkness. Her hair too was like mine, dark brown. She almost seemed like a female version of myself, but of course much more attractive. She asked me who I was. I replied to her question by telling her that names do not matter here. At first she didn't understand it seems, but after a moment or two she remembered that we are the only two existing in this world.
Neither of us knew why she was here, or even how she got there. She said something stupid like "it must be destiny!" I remember thinking to myself what an idiot she was. I immediately started telling her what destiny truly was. It still is just another pathetic excuse for failure in life and a romantics idea of that emotion called love. Love to me, means nothing. It has never seen me and I have never seen it. How some people let it destroy them I will never understand; they're all idiots. It's almost like I'm the only sane human in existence, that there's no one like me. The fact Kim made her way into my world by accident was not something to be ignored.
We talked for hours, just standing there on the street as the world changed around us. She didn't notice that the buildings melted away and became lush green trees, nor did she realize that the street was turning to grass. The entire world changed around us and she only noticed when I pointed out the fish jumping out of the lake behind her.
Now came the yelling and screaming. She had no understanding that I could change anything in this world as I pleased. I had to dumb down my explanation so much it literally became me saying I'm god here. She asked me to create a golden apple and I did. She took a bite out of it and asked when I would send her back to earth for eating the apple of Eden; the forbidden fruit.
This female is odd, even for my standards. She doesn't seem to care much for the seriousness in the world at all. She didn't yell at me to send her back; she made a joke out of it. Surely enough, eventually she did leave my world and went back to hers. I didn't mind, it gave me the chance to ponder how she got in. No one has ever found their way into my world before; never.
The fact that this one girl found her way in by accident was not something to be ignored as I mentioned before. I quickly decided that this girl had to be studied in her own world, reality.
Reality was a world I never liked being in, that's why I spend my time in my world instead. Time moves faster in my world as well, I could go a week in my world and only ten minutes will have passed in reality. It's a blessing of mine. I have all the time I want to think of everything in the worlds of my existence. Like how do people that almost seem to lack a brain at times survive; I know that they have them, just it seems their brains can't comprehend anything more than the basics.
People like that drive me insane. They're just plain annoying. People like that will never understand how someone may enter their own world like I do. Kim absolutely had to be studied.
I exited my world curious to find her in reality. My eyes opened and I thought they were tricking me. I had never noticed Kim before around our school, frankly I don't know how. She stood in front of my desk, awaiting my return to reality. If I recall correctly she had about five minutes to find me before I would open my eyes. I sat in the school library in an area for individual study. In five minutes she found me here; she couldn't have been far.
She welcomed me back to reality with a soft smile. I didn't know what to think, this girl was adept at finding me it seemed. I thanked her quietly and slowly rose to my feet. She asked me where I was going and I told her I was going to my house. I never called it my home because I knew that once I got there I would reenter my world and forget where I rest my head. She didn't reply but she followed me out of the building and waved good-bye to me; I didn't wave back.
She seemed as regular as anyone, but that only makes it more odd. How did she find her way into my mind and into my world? I entered my house and greeted my parents before heading off into the room I sleep in. I quickly placed my head on the white pillow and reentered my world. I would spend a good year in my world before waking up, but this time again I would not be alone. I was meditating under a large waterfall when I heard my name be called. It had been several months since I had seen her, in this world at least. I opened my eyes from under the waterfall and saw her standing there mystified by the sheer force of the waterfall. I froze the waterfall solid and melted my way out.
I asked her how she got back into my world. She gave me half an answer; she fell back asleep. She also told me she loved the waterfall. I didn't care much for the waterfall comment but the way she got here worried me. If she joined me in my world every time she fell asleep, I would see her quite a bit. I like my time alone.
-Zero
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