I doubted her courage (poem)

I doubted her love for me.

I doubted her beliefs and words.

In the end,

I found a way to doubt it all.

So as we broke away,

my mind pretended it was never real,

a goodbye not bathed in heartbreak,

just the end of a fantasy.

I let myself believe that I understood

the demons and thoughts of her mind,

that they fit nicely in my theories,

that all she was lacking was courage.

I've known the ever-tightening spiral,

the crushing void our minds force us in,

but when she tried to make me understand,

I pushed that experience aside.

I could never know her courage,

or come to equal her strength

in those final days,

this I understand now.

For all the love she had,

and for all of her courage,

I had shown her uncertain chaos

and became the ever-tightening spiral.

Now I understand why it had to end,

and pray one day she forgives me

for accusing her of cowardice

when she had more courage than I ever could.

-Zero