I want something again. Oh god, do I
want it. Give me all the love stories you want, but I'll still feel
like something's missing, I'll still crave those first moments of
love like I crave a pint (or two) of beer after a long day. Anything
to feel a little love, to have a love to proclaim, to have those passionate
moments before a kiss, the playful pillowfight on the couch, to have
someone to hold in the heart of the night.
Like a flame with no light, I felt the
burn of desire but couldn't see any further so I let it die.
My life's become a long night out, and
I'm just drunk, trying to function like a normal person, only to end
up nonsensical and impulsive. I've already closed the bar,
town's all gone to bed, and I'm wandering through the starless sky. I
think I'm going home, but I can't see, I can barely walk. I'm lost. I
don't know if I will survive the night, or fall off the bridge into
the river.
But every motivational speaker will say
the same thing, that old cliché : the
night is darkest before the dawn, and spring follows every winter, so
don't give up. But just because spring follows winter, doesn't mean
you won't freeze to death first.
I want to say I see the
first rays of sunlight over the horizon, but I don't know if I do, if
I'm telling myself I do just to be able to continue going. Dawn seems
a lifetime away, and I've already spent a third of mine.
Maybe it's better to be
drunk and stumbling, if only to numb the futility of this long walk
to death alone.
-Zero
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