I am absolutely mad,
I get lost in my own fictions
that cause me to doubt reality,
constantly analyze relationships,
and I'm haunted by the past,
still not over past loves,
burdened by the guilt
that came when everything fell apart.
I am drawn to madness,
to reminders of that first love,
who was volatile and dangerous,
married to self-destruction,
drank often at thirteen,
three energy drinks a day,
depended on smoke to relax,
as if she was burning instead of the
weed.
I am lonely,
I think too much on love,
imagine love with every passerby
who just happens to catch my eye,
and I refuse to reject possibility,
so I accept every single one,
just to escape this horrible feeling
of a star surrounded by nothing but the
abyss.
So I'll rush into commitment,
chasing fleeting feelings,
chasing familiar madness,
just to escape my loneliness,
to pursue a family,
to build a home,
but it will fall apart,
because I will marry the wrong person.
-Zero
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