To My Next Love, (Poem and update)

I don't believe in “The One.”

But I do believe in Love,

That it comes and goes like the seasons,

and Life itself.

Late at night,

When I am left to my yearning,

I look at the stars

And wonder if you are too.

I used to see you everywhere,

In every passerby on the street,

And in a friend lonelier than I am,

Who I just want to see happy.

Now everything is empty,

Like somehow I drained the possibility from them:

A vampire sucking his prey dry,

Excess leading to lacking.

But all these poems,

And all my novels,

Cannot show me the future,

Or give me the Love I yearn for.

I'm hopeless.

The world is so big,

And my programming set to wander,

As if no bond can face distance.

And I wonder how or why

The last I've loved

Have found Love again,

As I get lost amongst words.

I loved Love for so long.

Now I just want the bond,

Those soft, caring arms wrapped around me.

I'm sick of waking up alone.

I thought myself unfit for Love,

That I was more broken than others,

That forgiveness was a myth,

But an end showed me a beginning.

Sometimes I want to summon you,

With these words of black ink,

So maybe they might be useful...

And maybe, just maybe, I could hold you.

But for all my tears and prayers,

That won't happen.

My dying imagination knows it,

So I stop pretending it will.

A final note to you:

I will love you without end,

Because there is no end to grief,

And Love is the best we can do.

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I had initially decided not to post this poem, not due to its length, but due to the fact that it feels so personal. However, I am a poet and do nothing except expose myself to the world in hopes that I am not alone in how I feel. Art, after all, all comes from a subjective source, and yet finds its own cultural and social meaning outside of that initial perception. 

As for this poem, it was written at the beginning of the month in one of my infrequent emotional moods often triggered by various forms of art and expressions of emotion, predominantly Love. There is something truly beautiful that I recognize in it, and I have wished for it for some time. A day does not go by when I do not find myself thinking of it, but at the same time, I recognize that Life is far more than simply Love, and that there is much I must do with my own person before it truly becomes reasonable to truly enter into the pursuit of Love, which, as described above, may be described as conflicted, as there is the yearning, but also the rejection of possibility around me.

Lastly, the month of November is approaching quickly and I have planned to take part in NaNoWriMo once more. This year, however, I have yet to have any sort of inspiration quite like years past and have been contemplating either continuing older unfinished first drafts, or continuing the rewrite of "The Beginning of The End" instead of working on a new project. If something strikes me before November begins, I very well may post an update about my plans for the month. We will see. Until next time,

-Zero

NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month - Nanowrimo.org