This past Christmas Eve marked fifteen years since I first started this blog in the dead of night, in that silence that preceded the childhood excitement of Christmas. I would not advise going back to those earlier posts, made by a teenager filled with angst and all sorts of feelings. Flames know that it is painful for me to look back at them, but its archival nature stops me from deleting everything.
Back in the earlier days, it was not unheard of for me to post multiple times in a day. Everything I typed up seemed to find its way on here almost immediately, or so it seemed. Over the years, I've gotten more selective with what I post to the internet and have pulled my attention elsewhere, leading to the all-time low of a single post last year.
Rest assured, I am still writing, though not as much poetry as I used to. I've questioned a number of times whether this blog is worth keeping going, or if it is time to close it down and move on. What purpose does it serve? Why do I insist on screaming into the void like this? Is it something that is just for me, some attempt at garnering attention, or do I do it for others?
The answers to these have changed over the years, bouncing around as dreams of grandeur fade away and I see a thousand other writers screaming in a similar fashion. But at no point have I managed to truly give up on it, and I don't intend on doing so now. After all these years, it's become a way to quantify what I've done - that I am truly still engaging with this passion of mine. It's become a way to connect with others on the odd occasion. A way to publicly state goals that, as a result, feel binding.
All that to say, this year I am committing to at least one post each month. The content of them may vary as I see fit (though I won't allow posts that serve only to make an excuse for why I haven't posted), but they'll be there.
Here's to another year of exploration and beauty, despite it all! Until next time,
-Zero
